Newbie.

Heidi-Ho! 

This is my new blog. I hate Facebook, and finally have the time to do this (sort-of). I figure the only people that will read this are a select friends and maybe my mom. Hi, Mom! 

Just in case you don't know me (chances are that you do, and are just really nosy), I am going to introduce myself with an ice-breaker. I call it: Let's Find Out Lots of Dumb Stuff About Whit. 

Ready? OK! (I was a cheerleader in high school, cut me some slack - which I guess is Dumb Fact #1)

2. My middle name is Grace. Which is ironic, because I am not graceful. AT.ALL.

3. I am an Aries. A cardinal fire sign. So in a nutshell: I'm selfish, passionate, and child-like. Not always a bad thing. (My kids and Bill's opinions would differ, I'm sure.)

4.  I have 3 gorgeous, wonderful, beautiful children that I am over-the-moon for. I will probably tell you all sorts of horrible (but hilarious) things they do on a daily, and it may sound like I hate them, and motherhood in general, but I am absolutely crazy about them and most certainly do NOT hate them or motherhood.

How could you hate this face??

5. I, being an Aries, am very in your face passionate about different "hot" issues. You MAY hear some ranting and raving. You MAY disagree with me. I'm cool with that - another benefit of being an Aries: things roll off my back very quickly and easily. Just please don't be rude. Now back to me.

6. I am, what the kids are calling it these days, a grammar Nazi. Learn the difference between your and you're, people!

7. I live in Alaska. It's not a tundra, I don't live in an igloo, and yes, we have grocery stores and Wal-Mart and malls here. 

8. To me, farts have to be the funniest thing EVER. Even now, I am smirking to myself just thinking about it. There will be plenty of blog posts about this subject, I'm sure.


9. My favorite actor of all time is Johnny Depp. Bill knows I'd leave him if JD came a'knockin.. Even in his Charlie and The Chocolate Factory getup: Mr.Ed teeth, bowl-haircut, and all. (Ok, Hugh Laurie comes in a close 2nd. Hello, Doctor McYum.)

I prefer Cptn. Sparrow better, but hey, beggars can't be choosers!

10. My biggest dream in life: Bill and I will own a log cabin on 40 acres with a greenhouse and a lake for the kids to swim in with our Bull Mastiff, while I tend to my garden, chickens, and goats as Bill flies in on his Cessna onto his homemade landing strip, right into our personal hangar. Because, of course, we will be in the middle of nowhere on 40 acres and will need a plane. Duh.

11. I HEART peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!! My kids, however, do not. I say,"BLASPHEMY!" because what kid doesn't live on this stuff?? Meh, maybe with age will come wisdom.

12. Biggest fears: heights and spiders. Heights, I am working on conquering. I climbed up the side of an ALASKAN mountain, and was terrified the whole way up, but I did it. Spiders, on the other hand... well...

13. I don't even listen to the radio anymore, because I find any music made after 1978 to be horrible, talent-less  and degrading to our society. Unless it's The Piano Guys. Wow, do I love them. 

14. I say "dude" before I say something profound (who am I kidding? I say this before really anything at all). It's actually quite embarrassing, especially because 1. I am not from California and therefore, not a surfer, and 2. Not everyone is a dude. Some people are dudettes. I really should have more respect.

15. All vegetables are delicious to me - even okra. Mmmm, fried okra. BUT I have an exception. I hate peas. Really and truly. Even with lotso-butter and salt. I'm adopting Bill's way of getting out of eating vegetables and tell my kids,"I'm allergic". Yeah, to the taste and the way they mush in my mouth, and basically everything about them.


16. I was home-schooled until 10th grade, went to a private school for 2 years, and finished up my high school diploma through a community college. Try explaining THAT one on job applications, school applications, etc. I've actually been DENIED to a college because they didn't have proof that I graduated. Um, excuse me, my legit diploma (printed on high-gloss paper printed from my parents' computer) was presented to me by my teacher (aka Mom). I have COLLEGE transcripts. I was always told that colleges wanted homeschooled kids. Apparently, I was lied to.

Gene Wilder, how do you read my thoughts??

17. On the subject of home-schooling, I am doing what my 16-year old self would hate me for an awesome thing this year - homeschooling my little Kindergartener. When people ask if I hate school teachers, or if I think I'm better/smarter than them, or if I'm Super Mom, my answer is a resounding,"YES!". However, the truth is, I just really like my kids. I'm oober-selfish, so I want to keep them home with me as long as I can - I understand their childhoods are fleeting, and I want to spend as much time with them now, while they still want to hang out with their dear old Ma.
 (NOTE: I really love school teachers and appreciate the hard work and time they commit to doing what they do. Teachers themselves aren't the problem; I just don't like the public school system/Dept. of Education in general and think a brain-damaged monkey could do a better job educating our country's future leaders, but we'll leave that for another day...)

2nd NOTE: I have no idea why the letters are so small here. I have tried several different ways to change it, and I'm getting frustrated, so it is staying this way. Hope you're wearing your glasses. 

 18.  To me, cooking really sucks and I hate it is not a lot of fun for me. I do it simply because I read in an article once that food is important, and I try to be semi-good at it so my kids will actually EAT it (I CAN make a mean spaghetti sauce, though.) Now baking, on the other hand, Oh Em Gee. (and bacon, too. My blog name is Bacon Brownies, duh!) I could bake cookies and cakes and bread all day long, if only they weren't so bad for me. Obviously, my kids love it because they have an endless supply of sugar and empty carbs (aka kid crack) in which to gorge on. I love it for the same reasons. My pants, however, are discriminating against sugar. They mysteriously don't fit if I eat just 104 a couple of cookies. Haters.

19. My favorite type of laugh is a guffaw. You know the type: a deep, throaty force of air that sounds like it comes straight from the belly. Typically from a jolly, overweight gent. Besides, saying the word 'guffaw' is just plain fun.

20. One word that should be banned: MOIST. Really?!?  All I think of is some sweaty guy with overly-chapped lips and one string of hair swept over his bald head in an attempt to cover his PLAINLY OBVIOUS bald spot, staring with a creepy-I'm going-to-get-you-my-pretty look. I don't know why this brings this image. But, apparently, I'm not alone. There's even moist-hating groups on Facebook!

21. I have the world's ugliest feet. I'm serious. Thanks to my dear friend, I will forever have what is now-known as "Barney Rubble feet". Thanks, it totally gives me confidence to know my feet fit perfectly in a Kleenex box. Also, have you ever tried to get some cute shoes, only to find out they don't make them in tree-trunk size? It's a hard life.

Sometimes I luck out and find a cute shoe on sale in my size.

Okay, I think that's enough about me. Not that that is all there is to me, I just can't think of anything else at the moment and I've been working on this particular post for a week. For those that know me, any additions I missed? Anything you all are curious about, or would like to hear about? I'm a wealth of opinions and hilarious stories knowledge!


Until next time: Stay Classy, Planet Earth!